When we hear the word emotional traumas, we immediately think of rape, death, violence or serious psychological attacks. However, even if you grow up in a family environment full of love and trust, you may have negative traces of your childhood. We are indeed “greedy” beings. No matter how much a parent devotes himself to his children, no parent will ever be able to meet all of our ever-changing unlimited needs. Surely there is a wounded child in all of us waiting to be healed deep inside.
Parents leave the most profound effects on their children by modeling them. Children instinctively observe their parents very well. They observe the choices they make, injustices made, moments of stress, how they solve their problems, how they are treated against their rights and what rules they follow. The child carefully records them subconsciously. This early socialization process has an important place in choosing a partner. It leads us to develop a deep belief that we will find the right person, the perfect match who will complete us and make us one, as E atun says in his legend. This special person is not just anybody. He’s not just any woman or man who comes up with his charming smile or warm approach. What excites us about this person is to us, “He is the person I was looking for! He’s the person who will heal my childhood wounds! ” We must feel a deep sense of intimacy that makes you say.
Many people think they are looking for people with positive personality traits at the conscious level. They like gentle, loving, tolerant, intelligent and creative people, among other things. In fact, those who have had an unhappy childhood are very different from people who raised them, knowing this. Some of the sentences they made by themselves are as follows: “I will never marry a selfish person like my father!” “I would never marry a despotic man like my father!” “Nobody can marry me to a stubborn woman like my mother!” In this case, whatever their conscious tendencies may be, many people are attracted to people who have the positive and negative characteristics of the people who raise them.
What makes negative personality traits so attractive in mate selection? Choosing a mate is not based on logic. People choose those who double the deficiencies they see in their parents as partners. They don’t choose people who take care of their parents’ shortcomings. For example, suppose you are suffering from your parents’ unreliable attitudes. In such a situation, your sensitive point that activates your subconscious is as follows: Marrying a person who is dependent on you and will allow you to overcome your abandonment anxiety. Or let’s imagine that your parents’ overprotection hurts you so much. The practical solution is to find someone who can free your soul from captivity by giving your soul plenty of room for movement. The part of your brain tasked with searching for a partner is not our “new brain” with a logical system, but our “primitive brain” locked into old times. What our primitive brain wants to do is correct the setbacks you have experienced by recreating your upbringing. Very interesting, don’t you think?
I think it’s very interesting and realistic. Hatice what is your opinion on this? What do you think? Can you make connections with your subconscious in your own life? You did not mislead me! Fantastic! I knew we were thinking the same things! Please continue. The next studies are for you.
This process is enough for you to survive. However, it was insufficient for you to feel emotional satisfaction. You did not get enough satisfaction and there is a missing area in your subconscious. The starting point of your old brain in choosing a mate is interesting. He tries to complete your unfinished job by going back to the first periods of your frustration. I love to discover the hidden tricks of this subconscious.